Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee… ~Jeremiah 1:5 KJV
Sweetie…baby…honey…cutie…darling…babe…
My husband had all kinds of endearments for me and with the inflection of love in his voice when he used them, I loved being called his. My husband was half Korean and he had a Korean endearment that he used for me that was really special.
He would wrap his arms around me and whisper them in my ear as we watched TV or just before falling asleep. He would yell them up the stairs when I was in another room and he was working on something. They were a form of greeting when I answered his phone calls.
I was chosen, cherished, loved, special in his eyes. He saw me.
I have found as I have walked this grief journey that this is one of the things I miss the most. Feeling those arms; hearing those endearments and leaning back knowing that my husband picked me out of all of the people that had come through his life. He wanted me; cherished me; loved me; saw me…and gave me his name.
When he died, I found myself feeling lost. I still was his. My friends and family saw me has his widow – the one left behind. I still sign his name when I write or identify myself. Who am I? If he is gone; who am I now?
Many of my friends…well, most of my friends are married. As I socialized with them, I found myself hurting because I watched as they interacted with their husbands – chosen, cherished, loved, special… I so missed that feeling.
On a particularly dark day, I turned to scripture and was reminded of something. When I accepted Christ as my Savior, He chose me. He cherishes me. He loves me. I am special. He sees me. He comforts me. And He wants what is best for me. Before I was formed in my mother’s womb, He chose me. Before I was born, I was special to Him. He has beautiful endearments that he whispers to me throughout the day. I see His love in nature – rainbows, gentle breezes, sunshine. I see His love in my friends – compassion, thoughtfulness, hugs. I am cared for, chosen, cherished. If I hold fast to His promises and turn to Him, He will restore me. He will Bless me. He will hold me. He knows my heart. He knows what I can’t even bring myself to admit.
He knows my name.
Sisters, hold fast to this. It can be so tough on this journey and the loneliness sometimes is almost unbearable. If you turn to the Savior, He can and will comfort you and whisper loving words to your heart. He knows your name too.
Dear Lord, I am so thankful that you knew me before I was formed. When I look to you I feel chosen, cherished and loved. Thank you for being my Savior and for loving me. Thank you for knowing my name and choosing me. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in August 2014