Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9 KJV
The grief journey is a lonely journey and one you have to travel yourself – no one can do it for you. It takes a lot of intentional work and an earnest heart that is focused on healing, surviving, and thriving. You must be focused on your Savior – eyes up, looking to the Savior; ears open, listening to the Savior’s voice; feet walking on the path set out. These must be done day in and day out.
I am now coming up to the four year anniversary of my husband’s Homecoming, or Promotion, as I like to call it. On February 14, 2015, it will be four years since I last kissed my husband’s lips. It’s been a long journey. When I look back, it doesn’t seem possible that I am here at this spot in the road.
Where am I? Who am I?
If I take note of where I’ve been and who I’ve met along the way, it is clear that I am an abundantly blessed woman. Clearly, I am favored in God’s eyes. He has been with me “whithersoever” I have been and for that I am grateful.
During this journey I have hidden from Him, not spoken to Him, cried out to Him, longed for His return, and beseeched Him. I have loved Him, understood His answer to my prayers about my husband’s life, forgiven Him, renewed my relationship with Him, and felt His presence.
I have met some wonderful people along the way who have been like life preservers thrown in the water to a drowning person. I would not have met these wonderful, dear friends had I not been on this journey. They saved me on a particular day when I needed them – God sent them to me to help me to look up…to Him. I have been on trips and tours that I would have never taken had I not been on this journey. I have laughed really hard. I have met sisters who know my thoughts because they are on this journey too and I don’t have to explain, they just know. God knew I needed them.
Most of all, I have come to realize that God has a purpose for me. He has a ministry that He needs me for and He has grown or is growing all of the skills and tools I need to accept His calling. I would not have had these had I not taken this journey.
As I look back down the road I have travelled so far, the constant that I see along every stretch of the road, around every bend, in every valley and on every mountaintop, is Christ. He has never left me. I may have walked ahead or stayed behind, but my Savior was there the whole time. He has had His eye on me; working with me, on me – sending me people, resources, experiences that just strengthen my roots in Him.
I like the new me that God is perfecting. She is funny, carefree, deep, loving and is able to show grace and mercy to those around her (most days). She gets really mad, but doesn’t hold a grudge. She celebrates when she sees her brothers and sisters in Christ triumphing. She also has grown a heart that is not afraid to love those that the world sees as broken. She believes in restoration and redemption and believes that until you take your last breath, there is a chance if God is in it.
I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I know He has a purpose for me and he will be with me every step of the way. I just have to be strong and of good courage and not let fear limit my ability to be obedient to Him.
Dear Lord, Thank You for never leaving me and for going wherever I go. Thank You for loving me and for providing me with experiences that grow me into the person You need me to be. I love You! Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in November 2014