Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 KJV
Several weeks ago, Karen Emberlin posted an article called, “Is Your Heart Broken – Tell It To Beat Again.” As I read it, I gasped, realizing God was using my dear sister, Karen, to minister to me. I was married in 2006 to a wonderful man named Bill Rickard. He made my heart flutter every time I thought of him. As I walked him Home, I grew to love him more than I have ever loved any other human(except my daughter of course). I grew to understand the love Christ has for me in that He was willing to die for me. That’s the kind of love I felt for Bill. I felt his heart beating in my chest and he felt mine in his.
When Bill died, my heart was not merely broken, I felt it was removed from me. I was a walking zombie with no feeling. In time, God allowed me to grow a renewed heart. One that feels the beats and breaths of my Savior. I was in tune with my Maker, in love with Him.
For three years, I completely shut down the woman side of me. I concentrated on just healing and growing a renewed heart, one that loves my friends, family and daughter, growing closer every day to my Savior. At the three-year anniversary of Bill’s death – Valentine’s Day 2014 – I began to feel that this renewed heart was no longer closed off. It could possibly love a man again. I began praying to my Savior, asking if these feelings were from Him. His answer, I felt, was yes. So, in May 2014, I decided to enter the dating pool again.
I hadn’t been on a date since 2003. A lot has changed in eleven years. I went on several dates with a lot of Mr. “Wrong-for-me’s”. I cut players often, filling my dance card with new names. Lots of dinners and movies filled my life. I was getting tired, becoming very lonely in the process. The more people I met – the wrong people -the more I missed Bill. At each “interview” I found myself comparing to my “gold standard”…and all came up lacking.
I began deleting my online profile from sites I was on, ending my subscriptions. I needed to take a break to see if God still wanted me out and dating. During this time frame, I met someone with whom I accepted a date invitation. Venturing into the dating pool with the full intention of sharing your life with, and, more importantly, your heart with, brought up an issue that I didn’t realize existed. All along, I was growing this renewed heart, but I had forgotten the most important thing: to tell it to beat again. It is ok for me to consider loving someone again. My heart doesn’t have to move Bill out, to make room for a new person. I now realize I have mourned the loss of my marriage and that special relationship. When I see Bill again in Heaven, it will be as a brother/sister relationship. Our friendship will be rekindled. So, here in this world, this side of heaven, it’s ok to love again…to tell my heart to beat again. What a wonderful freedom to know that I don’t love Bill less; my heart is just growing bigger. This new person will get a woman with a bigger heart because I was loved so well by Bill. I can remember fun times with Bill. This does not diminish the love I may have for someone else. It simply enhances it.
It’s scary to think about loving again.
What if I give my heart and God takes him home before me?
What if I get hurt?
What if I finally lean back and he’s not there?
God lovingly whispers to me, “I’m here and I will never leave you, nor forsake you. Are you willing to forego one day of joy in a loving, God-glorifying relationship because you are not promised tomorrow? Do you want to live with a heart open to love; but refusing to love because you might not have it for more than one day? Tell your heart to beat again…tell your heart it’s ok…tell your heart I created it for more than this…love again. Put down this last weight. While you grasp it, your hands are not open to the blessings I have for you. Put it down; open your arms wide and walk with your face up looking into the sunshine. Tell your heart to beat again.”
So, I am doing just that…sweet, renewed heart…it’s time…please beat again.
I feel it…slow beats at first and, with each breath, picking up speed.
Heart, beat again, be open to love. Lord, fill my heart as only You can.
We are not promised tomorrow. We are not promised an easy life in Him. We are promised a place of rest in Him. Heart…beat again.
Dear Lord, I am so humbled by You and how You work in my life. I am putting down this weight and I am trusting in You to keep my heart beating in You. I love You, Lord, and I thank you for never leaving me. I thank you for renewing my heart and for making it possible for me to love again. Thank you, Lord, for my beating, renewed heart. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in October 2014