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Woman, What Does This Have To Do With Me?

 

When the wine ran out , the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”  And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.”  His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”  John 2:3-5 ESV [Please read John 2:1-11]

A few Sundays ago, my Pastor shared from John 2:1-11.  As I listened, it dawned on me that my relationship with my Savior, Christ Jesus, during the years leading up to my husband’s death and walking out of the moment when he met Jesus face to face was much like the relationship described in these verses.

My life with my husband  was much like this wedding feast – a party.   We were happy;  in sync with each other;  he was my best friend.  When he became ill, and as we searched for a diagnosis, my husband was at peace and content.  At the end, despite the awful pain, my husband was content and happy.  Until the moment that he took the Savior’s hand and walked into eternity with Him, my husband’s eyes still had sparkle and love.

But when the wine ran out at the wedding, so to speak, I went to my Savior and said, “They have no wine.”  Jesus responded, “Woman, what does this have to do with me?  My hour has not yet come.”  I didn’t understand at the time that Jesus was saying this to me in a very gentle, loving voice.  He was saying it as He tried to gather me in His arms and comfort me.  And, I’m ashamed to say that I did not react immediately like His mother did in these verses.

I was still at the wedding table looking at the empty wine vessels – fixated on why Jesus wasn’t providing more of the wine I had been drinking.  Irritated, hurt that He had allowed the wine to go dry.

In time, I eventually responded as His mother did in these verses – “do whatever He tells you” – but it took time.  I had to get through the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, the disappointment.

If you read this whole passage, you will see that not only does Jesus provide wine, but in verse 10, it is revealed that the wine Jesus provides is better than the original.

My grief journey has been like that.  The wine – or life I shared with my husband – was wonderful!  I didn’t want it to end.  After my husband’s death, once I began to “do whatever He tells me”, the wine – or my life – became even sweeter.

How is that possible?  In Matthew 19:26 scripture says, “…with God all things are possible.”

Four years down the road, I know how to love sacrificially.  I have deeper friendships.  I am stronger.  I am resilient.  I feel more deeply.  Without this journey, this “loss of wine”; I would not have known how much sweeter “the replacement wine” is.

As I look back on my journey, I see that this sweetness didn’t enter the picture until I started doing “whatever He tells me to.”  I didn’t experience joy, contentment, and true laughter until I surrendered and just looked to the Savior and asked, “what would You have me do.”  That is when the better “wine” – or life – came.  Not immediately, but in joy-filled sips that I can savor.

To my dear sisters at the beginning of your grief journey, I encourage you to “do whatever He tells you”.  He will take your “water” – ordinary – and turn it into the best “wine” – extraordinary.  There will come a day when you can say as the master of the feast in this scripture said, “you have kept the good wine until now.”  And just as in this scripture (v.11), Jesus’ disciples believed in him from this sign, people will watch you in your journey and will believe in Jesus as they watch Him do work through you.

Dear Lord, I thank You for Your living Word.  I love that even scripture that I have read numerous times can be used to mold me more into your image.  I thank You, Lord, for allowing me the grace and time to see that what has come since that horrible day four years ago is the best and has such a sweet taste.  Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to laugh again and live fully in You.  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in March 2015

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In His Time

 

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.   ~James 4:14 KJV

I had the sad occasion of attending a funeral recently.  One of my best friends from high school lost his beautiful wife to cancer.  When I received the news, it was like a sucker punch to my gut.  It came across my phone and I just had to sit in silence, looking blankly at my phone screen, and praying for my friend and his children, who are all under the age of nine.

I hate this.  I hate that my friend has to walk this path.  I don’t want anyone to have to endure this pain, much less my friends.

God is so loving in His ways.  As I sat amongst my high school friends at the funeral that I didn’t want to attend, God used this opportunity to heal me a little more.  A story was shared by one of the speakers that washed over me like aloe on a sunburn; soothing me in a way I didn’t even realize I needed.

Walking in an apple orchard after a storm, many of the apple blossoms blown off their branches and onto the ground, covering it in a beautiful blanket of color and fragrance.  Apple blossoms, if left on the branches bloom and then an apple grows.  The purpose of the apple blossom is to grow the apple.  What about the blossoms that are blown from the branches, did they serve their purpose?

The speaker shared that instead of thinking that the Creator, God, intended every apple blossom to yield fruit; think about the blossoms that don’t yield fruit.  They die too soon, too early, so there’s no apple.  As you are walking through the orchard and stepping on the blossoms underfoot, a wonderful fragrance rises in the air.  Looking throughout the orchard at the fallen blossoms, it is beautiful ground covering that lightens and stimulates the vision, bringing joy.

Each of those blossoms has a purpose and a lifespan that only God knows.  While we may say in sadness that the fallen blossom didn’t yield an apple; God says, I intended that one to be on the ground when you walked through the orchard today.  I wanted you to smell the wonderful fragrance of apple blossoms.  I wanted you to see their beauty all around you.  I used them for My purpose.  I never intended for those blossoms to yield apples.  Some of the blossoms bring joy in their short time here by leaving the branches early; while others stay on the branches for a long time and bring joy in yielding apples.  God numbers our days and when we have fulfilled His purpose, He calls His children Home.

As I sat there listening to this story, I wept.  My husband died at the age of 42.  My friend’s wife was 45.  So young.  Too soon…for us; not God.  You see, my husband and my friend’s wife and all of our loved ones who left this earth before we were ready for them to leave; they served His purpose.  God said, “Well done, good and faithful servant, come home.”  For some, they brought joy in just their fragrance.  For others, they yielded an apple and it was delicious.

This brought me such peace.  It reminded me that God is in control.  Nothing happens without passing through His Hands first, and it is always good. I can praise God for the fragrance, even though an apple never grew.

Dear Lord, I just am so overwhelmed by how You work in my life.  I am so humbled by Your love and care for me.  I pray that if I am here for a short time, my fragrance is sweet; and if I am here for a long time, my apple is delicious to others and You.  I love You, Lord!  Amen

Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in February 2015

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Emancipation

 

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.  Galatians 5:1 KJV

I have one daughter. She is a great child. We’ve always had a very close relationship, and have been through a lot of life together. She is a Senior in high school this year and turned 18 in early December. As she prepares for college, things are changing.

It’s been a subtle transition over the last four years of high school. I have slowly moved from authoritarian and disciplinarian into a role of mentor. I’ve had to learn to watch her make decisions for her life that would not be my choices and let her ask for my input and allow her to make the decision for herself.   I’m not saying that there are no rules and she has been able to do whatever she wants.  It’s been a slow transition and she is a great person that I’m proud to be associated with.

As we neared her 18th birthday, we had a conversation. I’d like to say I handled it beautifully, but I’m a real person and, if I’m honest, I could’ve done better. The conversation started with my daughter informing me that once she turned 18, she would no longer be a minor. She would be able to do things without my permission. She said she would be emancipated. To be honest, I was tracking with her quietly until the “emancipation” word was thrown out.

I was irritated…emancipated?  I carried her for nine months through a difficult pregnancy; emergency room at 9 weeks old, surgery at 10 months old, milk allergy, reflux, divorce, single mother, kindergarten, cuts and scrapes along the way, staples in her knee, ambulance ride at 8 yrs old, middle school, blended family, stepfather’s death, single mother…again, high school, first boyfriend, heartbreak, college applications… Need I go on?

Shouldn’t I be the one getting emancipated?  Shouldn’t I be the one wanting to be emancipated?  I explained calmly, that if she used that word again she would see what being emancipated felt like.  It would involve her paying rent, not using my car to get around, not using my smart phone to communicate, and not wearing all those clothes up in the closet of the room in the house that I own (not my finest moment).

Upon reflection, I realize that she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings or make me feel unappreciated for the sacrifices I’ve made through her life (she even said as much during our conversation). She is growing up and her whole life I’ve been preparing her for the time when she would take flight. The time is near and she is getting ready to fly. She will make mistakes; but I’ve shown her and taught her how to get up, regroup, and start over.

More importantly, I’ve introduced her to the One who has the power to truly emancipateher. In taking Christ as her Savior, He has made her free from the bondage of sin.

I think about how I must make Christ feel.  I accepted His free gift of salvation and then all I do is exercise my free will. I’m sure that makes Christ feel the same way I felt when my daughter used the word emancipation. But instead of handling me the way I handled my daughter, He lovingly lets me lean on Him, regroup, and start over.  When I bring up my mistakes and sins, He says, “What are you talking about? I’ve forgiven you.”  That is freedom.  That is truly the definition of emancipation.

It’s interesting to me that the Lord put this subject on my heart to share with you the week of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  A phrase from his “I Have a Dream” speech that keeps ringing in my head is “free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”  In Christ, I thank God Almighty, I AM FREE AT LAST.  It is great to be eternally emancipatedthrough Christ!

Dear Lord,

Thank You for giving me the free gift of salvation through Your son, Jesus.  Thank You for lovingly providing a way for me to be free from the bondage of sin and thank You for not making me pay the price for my sin. Thank You for my Savior. Through Him, I am free at last. Emancipated for eternity. Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in February 2015

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Change Brings Possibilities

Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness andrivers in the desert.  Isaiah 43:19 NKJV

As I sit here typing this article, it is the day after Thanksgiving and I’m still stuffed from our meal.  My daughter picked the menu – turkey, ham, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, broccoli casserole and dinner rolls.  It is the same menu we have every year.  We have set aside tomorrow to decorate the tree and house – inside and out…just like we do every year.  We have tickets to our town’s First Baptist Church Living Christmas Tree program…just like we do every year.

After my husband died, all of our family – except me – seemed to find comfort in maintaining as much as possible exactly what we did when he was alive.  The same traditions in the same places at the same point on the calendar.  As I participated, I watched the relief in their faces as we stayed the course, continued the traditions.  They seemed to need to do it the same way.

For me, participating in these same activities was excruciating.  At the same family gatherings, where we sat in the same chairs, I was next to the empty one.  As I cooked the same menu items for the same people, I was preparing this meal alone and the person who used to sit at the head of our table when we entertained was no longer there.  Decorating the house was hard because the person who used to lead us and allow us to be the helpers was no longer here.

Everywhere I looked, I longed for change or at least transition.  As my first birthday without my husband came and went, I was devastated.  For the first time in my life, I was older than my husband ever was and everyone still wanted to celebrate in a similar manner, “like we always do”.  The first Christmas after my husband died, I insisted my daughter and I go to Disney World for Christmas.  She was excited until we got on the plane and then cried.  I got severe food poisoning on Christmas day in a lonely hotel in the “happiest place on earth”.

It wasn’t until I started praying about the pain I was feeling at all of these traditions that God so lovingly shared with me what I now find very comforting.  Everything changes.  Puppies grow into dogs.  Kittens grow into cats.  Babies grow into adults.  Trees and flowers lose their leaves in the winter and then bloom again in the spring.  The water running through stream beds is always changing.  The granules of sand on the beach are constantly changing with each brush of a wave.  Nothing stays the same.

When we accept Christ as our Savior, we are given a new birth; a new heart; new life.  We are changed.  As we grow in Christ, we are changed.  Our relationships with others are constantly changing based on our shared experiences.

So, it seems we are fooling ourselves with our little “traditions”.  Even those change each year.  The weather may be different; people gathered together may be different; we are different because we have experienced 12 months of life since the last time we carried out the tradition.  When you really examine things very closely, the only constant is Christ.  He is stable, our beacon, our true North.  Everything else changes.

When I realize that, I am comforted.  This new life without my husband is another change.  Not one I wanted, but it is what I have nonetheless.  So, I can rail at how different my life is now, or embrace the change and look to Christ for my stability.

I can be open to doing things a little differently so I can continue to grow and change and I don’t have to be uncomfortable with change.  With change, comes new life, and with new life, comes new possibilities.  I am still here and God has a specific plan for me and it is going to be a new life with new possibilities.

Dear Lord, Change is often hard and I am so thankful that You are constant and steady.  Thank You, Lord, for helping me to see that even though change is hard; new things can come.  Thank You, Lord, for your patience and love.  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in January 2015

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There Are No Do-Overs

 

I have a secret to tell…I am selfish, controlling, and I’m not always happy.  Phew!  I got that out!  Now, for an explanation…

But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.  Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the likeness of God.  Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing.  My brethren, these things ought not so to be- James 3:8-10 KJV

I am almost four years into this grief journey, and as I type this article I am preparing for this ministry’s upcoming November 2014 conference in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  I will be co-presenting on the topics of Dating and Courage.  Then, I will be speaking at our Love Lights ceremony about grieving with hope and being open to God’s new calling in our lives.

As I march into the days and hours leading up to the conference, I have been bombarded with flashbacks of terrible moments at the end of my husband’s life; the moments where I did not use my tongue to God’s glory.  Those moments are moments I wish I could erase.  The things I said and decisions I made were made in my flesh, thinking I had more time.

Several days before what would be Bill’s death, we were in the transplant wing and it was getting late so I was preparing to leave to go to the hotel for the night.  Bill asked me to spend the night in his room.  On the transplant wing, you cannot use the patient’s bathroom or their bedding.  There is no comfortable place to lie down in the room, and any time you have to use the restroom you have to leave the wing. Then, to come back, you have to go through a series of doors and a hand-washing station to enter again.  I had been on caregiver watch for several weeks, had been at the hospital since before breakfast, and I was very tired.  I told him I needed to go home, so I could re-fuel and come back to love on him the next day.  I thought we’d have “tomorrow”.  I never slept with my husband again; nor did I ever wake up near him again.

The last conversation I had with my husband was in ICU on Friday, February 11, 2011.  He had just had his breathing tube removed and his voice was raspy.  He was lucid for the first time in days, and his medical team was talking about taking him back up to the transplant wing.  There was a lot of hope in that ICU cubical that day.  Bill’s best friend from work and two other friends were visiting us, and they had travelled a long distance to visit him.  Bill wanted just me and kept saying to me, “I love you; I love you; I love you” and holding tightly to my hands and pulling me close and kissing me – over and over again.  I felt the pull of his friends wanting time with him and I told him I would see him soon and gave some of my time to them…I would never have another conversation with him again.

I am not looking back when I share these moments (and there are many more).  I am simply sharing lessons with you.  Do not take the present moment for granted.  Love like you don’t have tomorrow.  Forgive as though your life depends on it.  Share as though you are the only resource available.  Speak with love.  Once the moment is over, you will regret it if you didn’t handle it with grace and love.  There are no do-overs.  Satan uses these moments to attack me and stunt my grief journey.  I have to call on my sisters and brothers in Christ to carry me when I am attacked with these moments.

God is good and He sustains me, through the Holy Spirit who strengthens and comforts me. Prayer supports me.  I can, through Christ, move past these memories and into the Truth.  Bill knows I loved him and knows that in both of those moments; I made the correct choice with the information I had at the time.  Bill has forgiven and, in Heaven, he has forgotten those moments and is busy worshipping his Savior.  That thought helps to remind me that I need to be busy about the Lord’s work here.  If I sit and think on these moments that I could have handled better, I am looking back and not moving forward.  If I am busy about the Lord’s work, then I am moving forward and thinking about my Savior; not regrets, memories, and what ifs.

Sweet Father,   Thank You for reminding me to look to You when the memories of what ifs come to mind.  Thank You for Your Grace and Mercy and for Your Word which sustains me.  Thank You for my brothers and sisters in Christ who continue to point me to You.  I love You, Lord!  In Jesus name, Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in November 2014

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Whithersoever I Go

 

Have I not commanded thee?  Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.  Joshua 1:9 KJV

The grief journey is a lonely journey and one you have to travel yourself – no one can do it for you.  It takes a lot of intentional work and an earnest heart that is focused on healing, surviving, and thriving.  You must be focused on your Savior – eyes up, looking to the Savior; ears open, listening to the Savior’s voice; feet walking on the path set out.  These must be done day in and day out.

I am now coming up to the four year anniversary of my husband’s Homecoming, or Promotion, as I like to call it.  On February 14, 2015, it will be four years since I last kissed my husband’s lips.  It’s been a long journey.  When I look back, it doesn’t seem possible that I am here at this spot in the road.

Where am I?  Who am I?

If I take note of where I’ve been and who I’ve met along the way, it is clear that I am an abundantly blessed woman.  Clearly, I am favored in God’s eyes.  He has been with me “whithersoever” I have been and for that I am grateful.

During this journey I have hidden from Him, not spoken to Him, cried out to Him, longed for His return, and beseeched Him.  I have loved Him, understood His answer to my prayers about my husband’s life, forgiven Him, renewed my relationship with Him, and felt His presence.

I have met some wonderful people along the way who have been like life preservers thrown in the water to a drowning person.  I would not have met these wonderful, dear friends had I not been on this journey.  They saved me on a particular day when I needed them – God sent them to me to help me to look up…to Him.  I have been on trips and tours that I would have never taken had I not been on this journey.  I have laughed really hard.  I have met sisters who know my thoughts because they are on this journey too and I don’t have to explain, they just know.  God knew I needed them.

Most of all, I have come to realize that God has a purpose for me.  He has a ministry that He needs me for and He has grown or is growing all of the skills and tools I need to accept His calling.  I would not have had these had I not taken this journey.

As I look back down the road I have travelled so far, the constant that I see along every stretch of the road, around every bend, in every valley and on every mountaintop, is Christ.  He has never left me.  I may have walked ahead or stayed behind, but my Savior was there the whole time.  He has had His eye on me; working with me, on me – sending me people, resources, experiences that just strengthen my roots in Him.

I like the new me that God is perfecting.  She is funny, carefree, deep, loving and is able to show grace and mercy to those around her (most days).  She gets really mad, but doesn’t hold a grudge.  She celebrates when she sees her brothers and sisters in Christ triumphing.  She also has grown a heart that is not afraid to love those that the world sees as broken.  She believes in restoration and redemption and believes that until you take your last breath, there is a chance if God is in it.

I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I know He has a purpose for me and he will be with me every step of the way.  I just have to be strong and of good courage and not let fear limit my ability to be obedient to Him.

Dear Lord, Thank You for never leaving me and for going wherever I go.  Thank You for loving me and for providing me with experiences that grow me into the person You need me to be.  I love You!  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in November 2014

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It’s Ok, Heart…Beat Again

 

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.   Matthew 11:28 KJV

Several weeks ago, Karen Emberlin posted an article called, “Is Your Heart Broken – Tell It To Beat Again.” As I read it, I gasped, realizing God was using my dear sister, Karen, to minister to me.  I was married in 2006 to a wonderful man named Bill Rickard.  He made my heart flutter every time I thought of him.   As I walked him Home, I grew to love him more than I have ever loved any other human(except my daughter of course).  I grew to understand the love Christ has for me in that He was willing to die for me.  That’s the kind of love I felt for Bill.  I felt his heart beating in my chest and he felt mine in his.

When Bill died, my heart was not merely broken, I felt it was removed from me.  I was a walking zombie with no feeling.  In time, God allowed me to grow a renewed heart.  One that feels the beats and breaths of my Savior.  I was in tune with my Maker, in love with Him.

For three years, I completely shut down the woman side of me. I concentrated on just healing and growing a renewed heart, one that loves my friends, family and daughter,  growing closer every day to my Savior.  At the three-year anniversary of Bill’s death – Valentine’s Day 2014 – I began to feel that this renewed heart was no longer closed off.  It could possibly love a man again.  I began  praying to my Savior, asking  if these feelings were from Him.  His answer, I felt, was yes.  So, in May 2014, I decided to enter the dating pool again.

I hadn’t been on a date since 2003. A lot has changed in eleven years.  I went on several  dates with a lot of Mr. “Wrong-for-me’s”.  I cut players often, filling my dance card with new names.  Lots of dinners and movies filled my life.  I was getting tired, becoming very lonely in the process.  The more people I met – the wrong people -the more I missed Bill.  At each “interview” I found myself comparing to my “gold standard”…and all came up lacking.

I began deleting my online profile from sites I was on, ending my subscriptions.  I needed to take a break to see if God still wanted me out and dating.  During this time frame, I met someone with whom I accepted a date invitation.  Venturing into the dating pool with the full intention of sharing your life with, and, more importantly, your heart with, brought up an issue that I didn’t realize existed.  All along, I was growing this renewed heart, but I had forgotten the most important thing: to tell it to beat again.  It is ok for me to consider loving someone again.  My heart doesn’t have to move Bill out, to make room for a new person.  I now realize I have mourned the loss of my marriage and that special relationship.  When I see Bill again in Heaven, it will be as a brother/sister relationship. Our friendship will be rekindled.  So, here in this world, this side of heaven, it’s ok to love again…to tell my heart to beat again.  What a wonderful freedom to know that I don’t love Bill less; my heart is just growing bigger.  This new person will get a woman with a bigger heart because I was loved so well by Bill.  I can remember fun times with Bill.  This does not diminish the love I may have for someone else.  It simply enhances it.

It’s scary to think about loving again.

What if I give my heart and God takes him home before me?

What if I get hurt?

What if I finally lean back and he’s not there?

God lovingly whispers to me, “I’m here and I will never leave you, nor forsake you.  Are you willing to forego one day of joy in a loving, God-glorifying relationship because you are not promised tomorrow?  Do you want to live with a heart open to love; but refusing to love because you might not have it for more than one day?  Tell your heart to beat again…tell your heart it’s ok…tell your heart I created it for more than this…love again.   Put down this last weight.  While you grasp it, your hands are not open to the blessings I have for you.  Put it down; open your arms wide and walk with your face up looking into the sunshine.  Tell your heart to beat again.”

So, I am doing just that…sweet, renewed heart…it’s time…please beat again.

I feel it…slow beats at first and, with each breath, picking up speed.

Heart, beat again, be open to love.  Lord, fill my heart as only You can.

We are not promised tomorrow.  We are not promised an easy life in Him.  We are promised a place of rest in Him.  Heart…beat again.

Dear Lord, I am so humbled by You and how You work in my life.  I am putting down this weight and I am trusting in You to keep my heart beating in You.  I love You, Lord, and I thank you for never leaving me.  I thank you for renewing my heart and for making it possible for me to love again.  Thank you, Lord, for my beating, renewed heart.  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in October 2014

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Get Up – Stay In The Game

 

And when the fowls came down upon the carcasses, Abram drove them away.  Genesis 15:17 KJV  [Please read Genesis 15:1-17]

This article came out of a great conversation with another writer on this team.  We were talking about how easy it is to be sad.  I hasten to add that it is necessary and expected that you should feel sadness during your grief journey, especially early on in the journey.  However, as you walk this path, the unbearable sadness should wane and you should choose to live well.  [Author’s Note:  There are times when medication is needed to help people get through because of a clinical condition and, in those times, one should seek medical advice and adhere to that advice.]

My daughter has played field hockey for the last four years.  This game is the perfect combination of feminism and strength.  In my experience, these female athletes are girlie girls.  Before the warm ups and games, everyone is getting their hair braided with pink ribbons.  Even their uniforms are kilts.  Then the game begins and to play correctly, you have to have strength and endurance and you have to fight for the ball.

During the game, sometimes the sticks of the opposing players hit each other which causes their knuckles to “clang” against the opponents sticks.  This feels, from your hand to your elbow, like a tuning fork after it is hit…a numbing throb…it hurts.  Field hockey game clocks don’t stop, so you have to play on.  You will see these girls continue running and flinging their hand in the air to make the throbbing stop until they have full control of their fingers again.  The player keeps going and just shakes it off and the game continues.

As I think about this particular injury, it is much like the grief walk.  You are hurt and it throbs through your body.  You can just let the throb go on and on and do nothing, or you can push through and shake yourself and tell yourself to go on.   It’s hard and you get tired; but you have to push through that…have endurance.  You have to make yourself stay in the game.   You have to keep on, keepin’ on.  You can’t wallow in this.  You have to shake yourself and get back up and keep going.  God has this; but you are called to do some of the work.  Just like in the verses of Genesis 15:1-17.  God wanted to bless Abrahm; but Abrahm had to drive away the birds.  God could have done it Himself; but he called Abrahm to do his part.

So, what are you called to do.  You are asked to get up each day; eat healthy; exercise; and keep on going.  If you are doing well; everything else falls into place.  If you have children; they will follow your lead.  You have to do your part.  That is different for each person.  It feels good sometimes to be the saddest person in the room; but that is not healthy, nor does it Glorify Christ.

What if you haven’t been doing that?  What if you have fallen into the habit of being sad, and it is not a clinical condition or early in your grief journey?  Do better – starting now!  Pledge to yourself and your Savior that tomorrow will be a better day…and DO IT!  Get up and meditate on God’s word; make yourself smile; brush your teeth; make a doctor’s appointment; wear clothes that make you feel pretty; fix your hair (or get a haircut); get a manicure; listen to music that makes you smile; pick one area of your life and make it orderly.    Every day, add another thing and before you know it; you will feel better.

You have to stay in the game and you are called to do your part.  You want your life to honor Christ and to honor the life of your husband.  Would he want you to lay in bed and cry all day?  Would he want you to withdraw from life?  The answer is NO!  Smile and shine your husband’s testimony – honor the life he lived by living well.  Honor the life Christ has given you by living well for Him.

This all sounds easy, but it’s not.  You have to start with your head and your thoughts and then you have to take action.  You can do this!  Shake it off!  Stay in the game!

Dear Lord, Thank You for placing people in my life to remind me to stay in the game.  Thank You for loving me through this.  I will do better and I will purpose to glorify You in my life.  Amen.

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in October 2014

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People Are Messy!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (NIV)

This is my first article since I took a break in May from writing. A LOT has happened in my life during that break! Some things I saw coming and others were a total surprise. My only daughter graduated high school and went off to college. I had to put one of my dogs down. My dad had some serious health issues and had to be hospitalized. I made the difficult decision to take a break from a very special relationship. All the while, I was still running my home, working a full time job, and continuing in my volunteer roles.

During this time of major change and struggles, I had to step back and reflect, and I realized people are messy! This world is messy! I am messy! My world is messy!

So, as I faced this new unknown I asked: Who am I? Whose am I? I was led to the passage of scripture above. I am an adopted child of the King of Kings. My Savior is my advocate. I am in Christ and therefore a new creation. The old is gone and the new is here! God doesn’t count my sins against me.

People are messy! The world is messy! What do I do with that? People don’t act the way I want them to or react the way I want them to. How do I react to this messiness?

If I am I being honest here, my reactions sometimes are anger and resentment, resulting in broken relationships. This isn’t the picture of a new creation. It’s a picture of I…me…mine…! That’s old and it does not have love in it, so Christ is not there.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.
1 John 4:12-17 NIV

Scripture clearly states that we are to have love for the messy people of this world. We are to respond with love and in love. Love evaporates anger, resentment and repairs relationships. When we love, Christ is in us and people see the Savior, the One who made us a new creation.

I am a work in progress and this is the big area of my life that God is working on. It is very easy when people let us down or don’t react the way we want them to, to walk away and just move on. There is hurt for a time, but eventually you get out of the habit of having that person in your life. Jesus loves us when we are our messiest and that’s where He meets us. Can’t we try to meet others there too?

That’s what I’m working on…responding in love with the author of LOVE and then showing this messy world that Christ is in me. I don’t always hit the mark, but Christ always responds in love to my pleas for forgiveness and I start again. I encourage you to respond in love too!

Dear Lord, Thank You for forgiving me and meeting me where I am in my mess. Thank You for loving me in spite of my messiness and, Lord, please help me to remember how You deal with me when I encounter others in their messiness and may I respond with Your Love. Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in September 2015

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Great Plans

 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

Christians quote this verse a lot.  It is a “go to” verse for us; used in many situations.  It wasn’t until a few months ago that God washed the intention of this verse over me anew.

Practically all of my adult life, my road has been the “hard road”; many times due to my willful choices.  My first marriage (which ended in divorce) ended because my husband just didn’t love me… actually he didn’t love God so it was impossible for him to love me or even himself.  So, with a three year old to care for, I became a single mom.  For five years I was a single mom and during that time I was introduced to my second husband, Bill.  He loved me sacrificially.  We were married in 2006 and for six months were blissfully in love.  Then Bill got sick and for the next four years, I learned about sacrificial love and God allowed me the honor of loving Bill as he walked Home.  Bill died on Valentine’s Day.  I was a single mom again, and it was so hard!  I had counted on growing old with Bill; making a ton of memories and growing our testimonies together.  We had so many plans that were cut short.  It was very hard to accept that God did not have the same plans that we did…that I did.  It took me some time to work on my heart and allow God to minister to me and show me that His plans are always good.

As I walked out of the dark shadows of grief, I realized that the only way was to lean on Christ.  So, I forced myself to read the scriptures, combing them for promises and clinging to those.  I wrote down the addresses of each promise so I could refer to them often.  Of course, Jeremiah 29:11 was at the top of the list.

I would tell myself in my deepest moments of grief that the Lord has thoughts of peace toward me to give me (Sherry) an expected end.  Peace wasn’t what I was feeling; but I continued to cling to that promise.

In recent weeks, I have begun to see what the Lord has planned for me at this point in my journey- thoughts of peace.  He is lovingly preparing me to receive a blessing.  If I had received it three and half years ago, or even six months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it or appreciate it or know what to do with it.  He has allowed me to grieve and lean on Him as he prepared a blessing for me designed to meet my needs where I am on the road right now.  It brings me peace.  It brings me closer to Him.

Had I not travelled this road – allowing time for stopping along the way and sitting down to deal with the vantage point at that spot in the road and then standing up and walking a little further – I would have missed all of the healing that I have been honored to have.  I have met fellow travelers along the way who have strengthened me, sharpened me, imparted wisdom to me and held me.  I am better for having travelled this road.  I have peace.  The Lord has given me a new mission and my heart bursts at the honor of being entrusted with another job assignment from God Almighty.

So, my dear sisters, wherever you are on this road, please know that the Lord has thoughts of peace toward you.  If you are walking or sitting; be open to His calling and know He has great plans for you.  While you wouldn’t choose this journey and there are a lot of moments of darkness and loneliness; there are wonderful moments where you actually feel the Hand of God on you.  There are wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ who you are Blessed to meet along the way that change your life in ways you could not have imagined.

I find myself going to the Throne Room in prayer with a small little bucket and asking God to pour His Blessings on me.  God just smiles at me most days and says, “Sherry, I’ll wait while you go back and get a bigger bucket.  I’ve got big plans for you, my sweet daughter, and that small bucket you brought won’t hold them.”  My mind can’t comprehend the love He has towards me.  It is only when I lean back into His arms that I realize the Blessings are coming, and then the peace comes.

Stay on this road, sweet sisters. Take time and stop to rest when you need to, but continue the journey.  God has great plans for you and they include peace.

Dear Lord,   Thank you for your promises in scripture.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for peace.  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in September 2014