Category: God’s Plan

Posted on

Get Up – Stay In The Game

 

And when the fowls came down upon the carcasses, Abram drove them away.  Genesis 15:17 KJV  [Please read Genesis 15:1-17]

This article came out of a great conversation with another writer on this team.  We were talking about how easy it is to be sad.  I hasten to add that it is necessary and expected that you should feel sadness during your grief journey, especially early on in the journey.  However, as you walk this path, the unbearable sadness should wane and you should choose to live well.  [Author’s Note:  There are times when medication is needed to help people get through because of a clinical condition and, in those times, one should seek medical advice and adhere to that advice.]

My daughter has played field hockey for the last four years.  This game is the perfect combination of feminism and strength.  In my experience, these female athletes are girlie girls.  Before the warm ups and games, everyone is getting their hair braided with pink ribbons.  Even their uniforms are kilts.  Then the game begins and to play correctly, you have to have strength and endurance and you have to fight for the ball.

During the game, sometimes the sticks of the opposing players hit each other which causes their knuckles to “clang” against the opponents sticks.  This feels, from your hand to your elbow, like a tuning fork after it is hit…a numbing throb…it hurts.  Field hockey game clocks don’t stop, so you have to play on.  You will see these girls continue running and flinging their hand in the air to make the throbbing stop until they have full control of their fingers again.  The player keeps going and just shakes it off and the game continues.

As I think about this particular injury, it is much like the grief walk.  You are hurt and it throbs through your body.  You can just let the throb go on and on and do nothing, or you can push through and shake yourself and tell yourself to go on.   It’s hard and you get tired; but you have to push through that…have endurance.  You have to make yourself stay in the game.   You have to keep on, keepin’ on.  You can’t wallow in this.  You have to shake yourself and get back up and keep going.  God has this; but you are called to do some of the work.  Just like in the verses of Genesis 15:1-17.  God wanted to bless Abrahm; but Abrahm had to drive away the birds.  God could have done it Himself; but he called Abrahm to do his part.

So, what are you called to do.  You are asked to get up each day; eat healthy; exercise; and keep on going.  If you are doing well; everything else falls into place.  If you have children; they will follow your lead.  You have to do your part.  That is different for each person.  It feels good sometimes to be the saddest person in the room; but that is not healthy, nor does it Glorify Christ.

What if you haven’t been doing that?  What if you have fallen into the habit of being sad, and it is not a clinical condition or early in your grief journey?  Do better – starting now!  Pledge to yourself and your Savior that tomorrow will be a better day…and DO IT!  Get up and meditate on God’s word; make yourself smile; brush your teeth; make a doctor’s appointment; wear clothes that make you feel pretty; fix your hair (or get a haircut); get a manicure; listen to music that makes you smile; pick one area of your life and make it orderly.    Every day, add another thing and before you know it; you will feel better.

You have to stay in the game and you are called to do your part.  You want your life to honor Christ and to honor the life of your husband.  Would he want you to lay in bed and cry all day?  Would he want you to withdraw from life?  The answer is NO!  Smile and shine your husband’s testimony – honor the life he lived by living well.  Honor the life Christ has given you by living well for Him.

This all sounds easy, but it’s not.  You have to start with your head and your thoughts and then you have to take action.  You can do this!  Shake it off!  Stay in the game!

Dear Lord, Thank You for placing people in my life to remind me to stay in the game.  Thank You for loving me through this.  I will do better and I will purpose to glorify You in my life.  Amen.

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in October 2014

Posted on

People Are Messy!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (NIV)

This is my first article since I took a break in May from writing. A LOT has happened in my life during that break! Some things I saw coming and others were a total surprise. My only daughter graduated high school and went off to college. I had to put one of my dogs down. My dad had some serious health issues and had to be hospitalized. I made the difficult decision to take a break from a very special relationship. All the while, I was still running my home, working a full time job, and continuing in my volunteer roles.

During this time of major change and struggles, I had to step back and reflect, and I realized people are messy! This world is messy! I am messy! My world is messy!

So, as I faced this new unknown I asked: Who am I? Whose am I? I was led to the passage of scripture above. I am an adopted child of the King of Kings. My Savior is my advocate. I am in Christ and therefore a new creation. The old is gone and the new is here! God doesn’t count my sins against me.

People are messy! The world is messy! What do I do with that? People don’t act the way I want them to or react the way I want them to. How do I react to this messiness?

If I am I being honest here, my reactions sometimes are anger and resentment, resulting in broken relationships. This isn’t the picture of a new creation. It’s a picture of I…me…mine…! That’s old and it does not have love in it, so Christ is not there.

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.
1 John 4:12-17 NIV

Scripture clearly states that we are to have love for the messy people of this world. We are to respond with love and in love. Love evaporates anger, resentment and repairs relationships. When we love, Christ is in us and people see the Savior, the One who made us a new creation.

I am a work in progress and this is the big area of my life that God is working on. It is very easy when people let us down or don’t react the way we want them to, to walk away and just move on. There is hurt for a time, but eventually you get out of the habit of having that person in your life. Jesus loves us when we are our messiest and that’s where He meets us. Can’t we try to meet others there too?

That’s what I’m working on…responding in love with the author of LOVE and then showing this messy world that Christ is in me. I don’t always hit the mark, but Christ always responds in love to my pleas for forgiveness and I start again. I encourage you to respond in love too!

Dear Lord, Thank You for forgiving me and meeting me where I am in my mess. Thank You for loving me in spite of my messiness and, Lord, please help me to remember how You deal with me when I encounter others in their messiness and may I respond with Your Love. Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in September 2015

Posted on

Great Plans

 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

Christians quote this verse a lot.  It is a “go to” verse for us; used in many situations.  It wasn’t until a few months ago that God washed the intention of this verse over me anew.

Practically all of my adult life, my road has been the “hard road”; many times due to my willful choices.  My first marriage (which ended in divorce) ended because my husband just didn’t love me… actually he didn’t love God so it was impossible for him to love me or even himself.  So, with a three year old to care for, I became a single mom.  For five years I was a single mom and during that time I was introduced to my second husband, Bill.  He loved me sacrificially.  We were married in 2006 and for six months were blissfully in love.  Then Bill got sick and for the next four years, I learned about sacrificial love and God allowed me the honor of loving Bill as he walked Home.  Bill died on Valentine’s Day.  I was a single mom again, and it was so hard!  I had counted on growing old with Bill; making a ton of memories and growing our testimonies together.  We had so many plans that were cut short.  It was very hard to accept that God did not have the same plans that we did…that I did.  It took me some time to work on my heart and allow God to minister to me and show me that His plans are always good.

As I walked out of the dark shadows of grief, I realized that the only way was to lean on Christ.  So, I forced myself to read the scriptures, combing them for promises and clinging to those.  I wrote down the addresses of each promise so I could refer to them often.  Of course, Jeremiah 29:11 was at the top of the list.

I would tell myself in my deepest moments of grief that the Lord has thoughts of peace toward me to give me (Sherry) an expected end.  Peace wasn’t what I was feeling; but I continued to cling to that promise.

In recent weeks, I have begun to see what the Lord has planned for me at this point in my journey- thoughts of peace.  He is lovingly preparing me to receive a blessing.  If I had received it three and half years ago, or even six months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to handle it or appreciate it or know what to do with it.  He has allowed me to grieve and lean on Him as he prepared a blessing for me designed to meet my needs where I am on the road right now.  It brings me peace.  It brings me closer to Him.

Had I not travelled this road – allowing time for stopping along the way and sitting down to deal with the vantage point at that spot in the road and then standing up and walking a little further – I would have missed all of the healing that I have been honored to have.  I have met fellow travelers along the way who have strengthened me, sharpened me, imparted wisdom to me and held me.  I am better for having travelled this road.  I have peace.  The Lord has given me a new mission and my heart bursts at the honor of being entrusted with another job assignment from God Almighty.

So, my dear sisters, wherever you are on this road, please know that the Lord has thoughts of peace toward you.  If you are walking or sitting; be open to His calling and know He has great plans for you.  While you wouldn’t choose this journey and there are a lot of moments of darkness and loneliness; there are wonderful moments where you actually feel the Hand of God on you.  There are wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ who you are Blessed to meet along the way that change your life in ways you could not have imagined.

I find myself going to the Throne Room in prayer with a small little bucket and asking God to pour His Blessings on me.  God just smiles at me most days and says, “Sherry, I’ll wait while you go back and get a bigger bucket.  I’ve got big plans for you, my sweet daughter, and that small bucket you brought won’t hold them.”  My mind can’t comprehend the love He has towards me.  It is only when I lean back into His arms that I realize the Blessings are coming, and then the peace comes.

Stay on this road, sweet sisters. Take time and stop to rest when you need to, but continue the journey.  God has great plans for you and they include peace.

Dear Lord,   Thank you for your promises in scripture.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for peace.  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in September 2014

Posted on

Bittersweet

“So Moses brought Israel from the Red Sea…and they went three days in the wilderness and found no water.  And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah for they were bitter…And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink?  And he [Moses] cried unto the Lord; and the Lord showed him a tree, which when he had cast into the water, the waters were made sweet.”  Exodus 15:22 -25 (KJV)

As I sat down to write the words for this post, I intended to write about memorials and markers.  As I prayed about what the Lord would have me share, this passage of scripture came to my mind so clearly and the words poured out of me.  I remember leaning on this passage so heavily when my husband was ill.  Every doctor visit was bad news and disappointment.  At home, it was so painful to watch my husband suffer the effects of his illness and to be so helpless.  My husband was unable to work for a time period due to his illness so our comfortable life became very uncomfortable…or should I say very quickly unaffordable.  Every aspect of our once carefree life became hard and heavy.

My husband in his most quiet moments, when it was just the two of us and, even when I wandered into a room in which he was alone, was the definition of peace.  He didn’t rail at God and ask why.  He wasn’t mad at his diagnosis.  He was the definition of peace and contented joy, even in our darkest hour.   He would often say that he had the golden ticket.  If he was called Home, he got to start eternity in the presence of his Savior; and if his body was miraculously cured here on earth, he got to spend more time with us.  He would always end with,  “Either way, I’m a big winner!”

Me, on the other hand, I was a quiet Mara.  I knew that God would be glorified in whatever happened and that He would sustain me, but I was growing quietly bitter the longer our journey took.  It wasn’t something that was apparent, it was a quiet background noise to my everyday life.

Then, February 14, 2011, the Lord lovingly allowed me to realize that He was going to bring Bill Home.  That was my most bitter moment of all.  As I put my lips to my husband’s lips in the ICU at Duke Hospital and we kissed for the last time this side of eternity, God gently loosened my grasp on my husband and took him Home.  At that moment, my heart wasn’t broken, it was ripped from my chest and there was complete emptiness in its place.   How could my heart heal when it had been removed from my body?  How could God ask this of me?

As each minute; hour; day; week; month; year and now years passed…God sent me experiences;  one by glorious one that were filled with sweetness.  Slowly, the pain (that never completely goes away)was insulated by sweet memories to the point that I could bear the journey God asked me to take.  I am to the point now that I can bear the pain because of the sweetness that surrounds it; if that makes sense.  I laugh more days than I cry.  I can remember fun times spent with my husband and not feel the heaviness of him not being here.

Just as in the scripture above, the water was too bitter to drink and the Lord had to show Moses God’s hand-crafted tree.  Once it was dipped into the water, the water was made sweet and the Israelites were able to drink it.  In much the same way, God has taken my bitterness and He has dipped His beautiful hand into it and, in doing so, has made it turn to sweetness.  And with this change, I am able to bear the journey and, as hard as it is to believe, there have been many points on the journey that were very sweet.

Dear Lord, Help me to remember that if Your hand is in it, it will be sweet.  Help me to remember to lean in and feel Your presence in everything.  Help me to surrender to You and to allow Your love to sustain me.  Thank You for turning the bitter and unbearable into bearable sweetness.  In Your Precious Son’s Name, Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in June 2014

Posted on

I Am Mara

And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara; for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.  Ruth 1:20 KJV

I am Mara!

I try to laugh every day and try to keep my negativity from getting the best of me.  When someone has an idea (including me), I have the ability within moments to (in my head) come up with several reasons that idea should never see the light of day.  When I hear news (good or bad), I immediately have several thoughts about how the good can turn bad and the bad can turn to worse.  I fight it all day, every day.  The only way I can combat my natural tendency to do this is to think of at least one positive thing for each negative thing that comes to mind.  Over the years of making myself do this; I have been able to turn the tide of my natural tendency towards bitterness into a studied habit of positive thoughts and actions.

Widowhood has not made this natural tendency towards bitterness easier.  Bitterness is an emotion that I fight against almost every day since my Bill’s home-going, or promotion, as I like to call it.  Some days it just seeps from my pours and during others it is a shadow in the room of my life that I can refuse to step into.

On the days it seeps from me, I find myself just wanting to wallow in my anger and pick fights on innocent victims.  People who are driving on the road with me…my pets…my daughter…my friends.  Thankfully, these days are few and far between.

I am three years down this road called Grief.  I still have days of sadness and loneliness, that make me bitter sometimes.  I wanted to walk this journey fast and get through it and be healed and move on.  I don’t want to take time and wait.  I want to be loved again.  I want to go to a restaurant and ask for a table for two in a quiet corner to just spend time with someone special.  I want back-up when I have to discipline my teenager – a voice louder than mine that reminds her to “respect your mother and my wife”.  I want to go on vacation and let my left hand drop from my lounge chair by the pool only to be caught by a strong, right hand and held.  I am bitter…Mara.

Then my loving Savior whispers into my heart, “I am here and I love you!”   I am reminded that Christ chose me; not at my best, but my worst.  He died for me for the sole purpose that I could spend eternity with Him because He wants me.

For some strange reason, He needs me to walk this journey.  He doesn’t want me to be sad, angry or bitter.  He wants me to take those emotions off like heavy coats and leave them with Him.  He wants me to lean on Him for being wholly loved; to discipline my daughter and know He will lovingly guide her because she has Him in her heart too; and to walk the beach while on vacation sharing time with Him.

When I lean on Him, everything just seems to fall into focus.  My loneliness slips away; my sadness diminishes; my heart is full; peace is with me; contentment is part of my wardrobe; and everything is ok.  I am even ok with being asked to walk this journey and some days, people see Christ in me and say I am inspiring.  (I know this is not me, but Christ in me.)

These are the days when that bitterness is a shadow that I don’t step into.  These are the days when Mara is not my name.  These are the days that I am surrendered and lay my head down at night feeling accomplished in Christ with a smile on my face.

I’m not there yet, but I am still on the road.  And it is on this road that I am finding that Mara is getting further and further behind me and the name Joy is one I wear when I am surrendered and Christ is shining through me.

I cannot encourage you enough to leave Mara behind and choose to be Joy.  Mara is a season, not a destination.  Joy is a destination that we are all working towards.

Dear Lord, I am so thankful that You allow me to have my Mara moments and love me through them.  I am so thankful that You love me through those moments and bring me into Joy-filled moments.  I cannot think of a more fulfilling love than the love I have in You.  Thank You for being with me on this journey and may I have more Joy moments in You.  I love You!  Amen

Archive:  Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in May 2014