Jesus wept. John 11:35 KJV
I have been in a relationship for over eighteen years. I can honestly say that I did not know love until this relationship came into my life. We have been together, almost inseparable, for all of those years. Only spending maybe a week apart each year.
I’m talking about the relationship I have with my daughter.
I had complications with my pregnancy. I had complications with my delivery – emergency c-section. She was beautiful – a head full of kinky, curly dark hair and beautiful deep blue eyes. She knew my voice instantly. It was the first time I had ever felt my heart was not in me, but in someone else. She had a rough first eight years with health: chronic ear infections, sinus infections, reflux, dairy allergy, very accident prone. We have experienced things together that a lot of parents and children don’t experience: divorce from her father and the illness and death of her stepdad.
Through it all, we have been close. I almost know her thoughts without her telling me. She is a treasure: that if given time and opportunity, open and you are rewarded beyond measure. She makes me laugh and has a wonderful sense of humor. She is book smart and people smart. She is a gifted peacemaker. She listens well. She has compassion. She’s messy. She is organized. I love her.
She is a Senior in high school this year. She will graduate in two months. She is ready. All of these last eighteen years, I have been building and preparing her for this. I have carefully cultivated and grown her wings. I have nurtured and taught her. I have let her fall, picked her up and set her off again. She is ready. It is right that she should go.
But, how do I say good-bye? I have flip-flopped between weeping and screaming. I find myself tightening up loose ends. I feel like I’m in the last quarter of the game and every move counts. I find myself walking up and down the sidelines like a crazy coach who tastes victory and sees it but can’t help yelling in a few last helpful hints.
She’s ready – I’m not. She is going to do so well and honor not only me as her mother, but her Father in Heaven too. When she was little, she would grip my hand so tightly and now it is me gripping her hand. I want her to go, but I find myself wanting time to slow down.
Transition is hard. I find myself turning to my Savior and watching what He did. How did He say good-bye? In the scripture verse above, He wept. In other scriptures, He reassured, accepted, and gave Hope of a reunion.
That is where I am transitioning to as we walk closer and closer to graduation day. I am letting my Savior remind me that He’s got this – He’s got her. I am accepting that we are transitioning to a new place in our relationship. Still close, but different. She is ready. I know she is. She will look back and she will take me in her heart wherever she goes. She’s going away, but we will always be together. Our hearts are one. I love that girl and I’m so pleased with who she has become. She wants me to come be a part of this new life we are transitioning to. I’m getting ready – this won’t be good-bye, it will be see you soon.
Cristina, fly, sweet little birdie. You are beautiful and the world is a better place with you in it. I’m so pleased and humbled that the Lord allowed me to be a part of your life. We have a lot more fun in store for us. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has planned for us! I’m getting ready – I’m almost there.
Dear Lord, Thank You for allowing me to know what love is. The joy of parenting and watching your sweet child grow to an adult and fly off into the world. Thank You for your examples in scripture to help me with this transition. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in April 2015