O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
Matthew 26:39 KJV
It seemed like deja vu…I’d been here before…different doctor…different patient…but I’d been here before. I had heard the diagnosis before; only this time, I know what is coming…I know what will be asked of me…and I don’t know if I’m up for it.
My mom mentioned, in passing, that my dad had a doctor’s appointment for some test results. I decided to go with them so I could help.
I stood behind the exam table and let my parents have the two chairs in the room. I was ready for what the doctor had to say. Except, as the doctor started talking, he used the word “cancer”. Wait a minute…cancer? Oh no, I didn’t expect this! In my mind, I started thinking, “stay calm” and “breathe”!
I remember this word. When you hear this word, you have to prepare for battle…usually battle to the death or near death.
As I looked to my mom and she looked back at me, I saw fear in her eyes. She doesn’t want to become me. She has been in love with this man, her husband, for fifty-eight years. They spend all day, every day, together. They are best friends. They love the Lord, and have created and nurtured a beautiful family who also knows and loves the Lord.
She doesn’t want to become me-a widow. She doesn’t want to fight this battle. She doesn’t want to watch her love struggle in pain. But, mostly, as I looked in her eyes, she doesn’t want to be left behind without him. She was in the room when my husband lovingly looked into my eyes, took our Savior by the hand, and walked into Glory with Him. She doesn’t want that for herself, and I don’t want that for her. I don’t know how to comfort her. I know I can’t promise her that she won’t be asked to endure this trial.
As I work through these emotions and thoughts, wave after wave of grief spills into my heart. I don’t want this for her and I don’t want this for me. How can I support them? How can I love them through this journey?
Christ whispers, so sweetly, into my ear, “Fear not, I am here”. I have walked every step with you, these last five years. I have caught every tear you’ve cried. I have held you as you grieved, every day.
Christ reminds me to show my mom what I have learned and been shown by others. In myself I can’t help at all, but in Christ I am mighty. Share scripture with her. Point her to Him. Pray for and with her. Christ is still the answer. No matter the earthly outcome of this trial, Christ is there. It will all work out for the good.
So, while we are praying, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt,” we know that Christ is working in our lives and in whatever happens, God will get the glory.
Dear Lord, Thank You for always being there. No matter the circumstance, You are there. No matter my position, you are always steadfast. I love You and I know You have great plans for me and my family. I put my trust in You, Lord. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in August 2016
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