I [Jesus] have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. John 16:12 (KJV)
I have just returned from a mission trip to Guayama, Puerto Rico with the World Changers organization. I spent a week there working with my hands to power wash, scrape, prime and paint an entire home with 10 other amazing Christians, most of whom are 18 years and younger (only 3 of us were adults). I went with my daughter and our church youth group. This trip was the first organized mission trip I have been on since I was a youth myself. And it changed my life for the better.
I entered my third year on this grief journey in February 2014 and I was amazed at how many things on this trip to Puerto Rico that made me miss my husband, Bill. As we took off in our airplane and ascended above the clouds, I was reminded of Heaven. I wondered if Bill can see the tops of the clouds where he is and does he now know how clouds are made and how to fill some of them with raindrops? Has he seen the beginning of a rainbow and has he seen the Lord’s breath as beautiful breezes are created for Earth?
When we touched down and saw the beautiful island of Puerto Rico and felt the heat of the tropical climate, I was reminded that Bill has never traveled to Puerto Rico and my heart was so full that I would experience another exciting trip without him to share in it.
As I spent the week, getting up at 5:30 am; dressing for working 9 hours at the work site (performing physical labor); coming home and showering in makeshift showers constructed in the parking lot of our host church; and worshiping with the other work crews; I was touched that Bill would have loved to have been a crew chief leading a team of teens on a project and would have relished the hours and hard work that was so difficult for me emotionally. I missed him terribly.
Our crew’s first meeting was a sort of introduction to each other that started with the question, “Why are you here?” My answer was that I had been on a journey for a long time and wanted to give back and spend a week working with my daughter away from everyday life.
On the second work day, one of my team members, Samantha, asked me to elaborate about the journey I alluded to and so I did. We ended up crying together because Samantha (16 years old) volunteers for hospice in her home state of Michigan. We bonded instantly and spent the next several days talking as we worked.
Then there was Luke, we spent hours scraping and painting and talking about Jesus and life. Kevin, who is a local from Guayama, and his first language is Spanish. During one of our daily lunchtime devotions; I watched as the Holy Spirit came over him and he spoke for several minutes in perfect English about salvation and sanctification. I sense that in time he will become a Preacher and will share the Gospel to many. Carlitos, another local teen (his father is the Pastor of our host church in Guayama), is a quiet, hard-working force to be reckoned with. Melanie led our daily lunch devotionals. Nate is a kind, hard worker who loves the Lord. The Lord allowed me to be placed on the same crew with my daughter, Cristina, and we spent a lot of time together. Another teen from my church, Tyler, was on our crew, and I enjoyed getting to know him better. There were two other adults, Kate and Edfren, on our crew and I loved working with them and getting to know them too. It was a life-changing week!
I share all of this to tell you that had the Lord allowed me to see the picture of what I experienced this week without Bill before Bill went Home, I wouldn’t have been able to bear it. If I had been given the opportunity to see into the future and see the trials I had to go through to get to these Blessings, I couldn’t have taken it all in and wouldn’t have been able to bear it.
Instead our wonderful Lord and Savior lovingly wraps His arms around us and just holds us and allows us to see one moment at a time. He knows we cannot take it all in at once and He lovingly gives us as much as we can take and holds us until we are comfortable and then reveals more.
Looking back down the road to February 14, 2011; I see very clearly now how the trial of losing Bill prepared me to experience the life-changing Blessings that were revealed on this mission trip without him and each step on that road was guided by my Savior and revealed to me as soon as I could bear it.
Dear Lord, You have lovingly made me and have held me in Your arms from the time I accepted You as my Savior. Thank You for revealing Your plan for my life in a way that I can bear it and thank You for bearing it with me as I travel this road. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in July 2014