with Cristina DiMascio
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:37-39
My Pastor sent me a question as Mother’s Day approached. His question was, “What makes you feel defeated as a mother?” I had never thought so pointedly about this question. But now I was. The answer: I felt defeated when my sweet daughter experienced heart-exploding pain when her step-dad passed away. The man who filled the “daddy” spot in her heart for years was now gone.
Recently, I was cleaning out a storage bin used to put all of my daughter’s school work in. She is 17, so it was filled to overflowing, as you can imagine, and not everything was museum-worthy. My daughter, Cristina, was 14 when my husband passed away. He had been sick for over four years at that point. I found a beautiful story she had written when she was probably 12 or 13 years old called, “The Miracle”.
People always thought Cristina was my husband’s biological child, not his stepdaughter. He loved her wholly as though she had his blood running through her veins. He was her father, daddy, papa; she just spelled those sentiments: B-I-L-L. They had so much fun together and he was a strict disciplinarian, in love, with her too.
My daughter has been very quiet since Bill’s death. She doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone. It has just been in the last year that she will even remember fun times out loud with others, even me. She seems to be doing OK – everyone handles this grief journey differently.
As I read through her story, my heart felt the defeated feeling I feel whenever I realize I can’t shield her from pain in this life. I can only point her to the Comforter and Healer in Christ as her Savior.
Here is her story – written in her words with no changes (when she was about 11 or 12):
The Miracle
By Cristina DiMascio
Once upon a time, there was a family – a mom, a stepdad, a girl, a dog, another dog, and a cat. The stepdad got sick. At first, the family thought it was mild, but then it got worse. The family took the stepdad to the doctor, then the hospital, where they waited for hours. The next 2 days were bad and the stepdad got worse. The family took the stepdad to the hospital again, where he got lots of visitors. Also, he stayed there for 3 days. For the next few days, the stepdad got worse and worse and every day the mom went up to see him. Then one day, when the doctors thought they could do nothing , the girl prayed her hardest (harder than she ever had before). The doctors came in a few hours later to check the machines and they were great. They told the mom and girl that he could go home the next day. They were a happy family again. THE END
This was an actual account of one of my husband’s many hospital visits. As I sat reading this again, three years after the death of my husband, I was struck by the childlike faith that oozed from the page. She loved her stepdad and prayed harder than she ever had before and he was healed. This was true for the short term, but his disease would progress and viciously steal his earthly life from him.
I felt defeated as a mom as I read this. This story had a happy ending, joy because he could go home the next day, healed and “they were a happy family again”. Why couldn’t I give her this ending forever, or at least until her stepdad had reached old age and they had made many more memories together?
Christ came alongside me as my thoughts were in this dark place to remind me He heard her prayer. She wanted her stepdad to be healed and strong and no longer ill. Christ gave her the desires of her heart. Because of our short-sightedness, we assumed healing meant something else. Don’t misunderstand me, Christ is fully capable of permanent earthly healing and could have performed that kind of miracle in this case. But instead, Christ wanted us to grow our childish faith into a more mature Christian faith and in order to do that, He needed Bill in Heaven and us, as close to Him as possible.
We have the wonderful assurance of a home in Heaven. We know that we will see Bill again and it will be a grand reunion for all of us. Cristina has a compassion that she would never have known had she not experienced this grief. She wants to be a physician’s assistant in Oncology, helping others go through what she has gone through and give them hope. God shines brightly in her.
So, I am not defeated. In Christ, I am a victor and I have, through Christ as my Savior, won the victory. A miracle has occurred. In our brokenness, Christ has ministered to many. May His light continue to shine brightly in us.
Dear Lord, My heart hurts when I think about the pain my child has experienced in the loss of her stepdad. I feel defeated. I thank You, Lord, for helping me to remember that you have already won the victory and that I just must trust in You and defeat goes away and victory is in its place. Amen
Archive: Originally posted on awidowsmight.org in May 2014